Anonymous asked: Could your followers press you for your top 5 Shakespeare dick jokes?

fuckyeahgreatplays:

professorfangirl:

AH HA HA HA oh I love you.

Okay, well, the raunchiest one is Romeo and Juliet 2.4, Mercutio to the Nurse:

“for the bawdy hand of the dial / Is now upon the prick of noon.”

And the baldest one, Henry V, 2.3, Pistol to Nym:

“I do retort the solus in thy bowels, / For I can take, and Pistol’s cock is up, / And flashing fire will follow.”

Schlockiest, Twelfth Night 1.5, Feste to Maria:

“Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage.” *rimshot*

Cleverest—and hottest—Sonnet 20, the poet to his beautiful young man:

Till Nature, as she wrought thee, fell a-doting,
And by addition me of thee defeated,
By adding one thing to my purpose nothing.
   But since she prick’d thee out for women’s pleasure,
   Mine be thy love and thy love’s use their treasure.

(For me the most important word here isn’t “prick’d”—giggle—but “nothing,” which was Elizabethan slang for vagina. Nature added one thing, a prick, which is to my purpose nothing, a vagina, so

image

AHEM. Shakespeare gettin’ his frottage on?)

But okay, my #1 all-time favorite Shakespeare dick joke is Hamlet 2.2, Hamlet to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern:

GUILDENSTERN
Happy, in that we are not overhappy.
On Fortune’s cap we are not the very button.

HAMLET

Nor the soles of her shoes?

ROSENCRANTZ

Neither, my lord.

HAMLET

Then you live about her waist, or in the middle of her favors?
GUILDENSTERN
Faith, her privates we.

HAMLET

In the secret parts of Fortune? Oh, most true. She is a strumpet.
***
Because yeah, most poignant.

One of my favorites: “better a witty fool than a foolish wit.” With “wit” as slang for penis, i.e. HOPE HE’S DUMB AND HUNG.

But you can’t beat the blatant comment from Mercutio about Juliet: “Oh, that she were an open arse, and thou a poperin pear!”

tagged → #hannibal
you mean their undying love friendship

their “”“”“”“”friendship”“”“”“”“”“

tagged → #saezutte

do u ever think about garak and bashir and their friendship and just get really emotional

Sebastian Stan for New York Moves Magazine (x)

  • other girls: straight hair, nice makeup, short skirts, fashion, cheerleading, high heels
  • me: short hair, combat boots, smudged makeup, cargo pants, face mask, metal arm, over 2 dozen confirmed kills in the past 50 years. i am the winter soldier.
tagged → #bucky barnes
tagged → #fashion #goal looks

yunuen:

“What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness.”